No se puede morir con tanto veneno

Shakira's video for No

Build yourself a pair of wings, learn to fly away.

Beautiful, hopeful ending. You can not live with such poison.

I Wish There Were More Philosophers.

If philosophers had group meetings with people the way priests and religious leaders do, they wouldn't be philosophers. They'd be cult leaders. I like to challenge myself with questions of morality and be challenged for the purpose of understanding and opening myself up more to the world. The Church doesn't question or challenge moral codes - it preaches its own and tells people that questioning it is questioning 'God' whatever that truly is. That's why I don't go to church.

There are technologies being researched today that, by 2040, will be able to manufacture nanobots capable of repairing our cells and protecting our bodies and minds from infections and diseases in such a way that would allow us to live forever.

Sounds drastic? 50 years ago 1 computer took up an entire room. Today our phones are computers and fit in our pockets. No too long from now, they'll be the size of cells.

The fucking media (because I spent this whole post sounding obnoxiously pretentious without cursing) spends so much of its focus - as does our culture - on issues like abortion and gay rights and other social arguments about how to control other people's bodies that should be left the fuck alone and allowed to do as they wished.

Things are moving so quickly with technology that philosophical discussions and questions aren't keeping up. The usual Frankenstein problems. I wish there more people sitting down in groups to have have open discussions instead of listening to one guy preach 'from on high.' Living forever? Combining our bodies with robotic material? What the fuck? We should worry about what those things mean for society - not two guys getting married.

Like a Prayer

One of my favorite music videos from the 80s, Like a Prayer was actually seen as extremely controversial when it came out. Madonna, wearing a tight-fitting dress, makes out with a statue of a black Jesus who has come to life, watches as a black man found at a murder scene is blamed for the crime. There's a stigmata scene, a burning cross, and the lyrics have sexual euphamisms about blow jobs in the same context as God.

"When I left home at 17 and went to New York, which is the city with the most sinners, I renounced the traditional meaning of Catholicism in terms of how I would live my life. But I never stopped feeling the guilt and shame that are ingrained in you if you are brought up Catholic."

I've never been a fan of Madonna, at all. One or two songs have made their way to my music library. This one really touches me as an ex-Catholic and ex-Catholic school girl. I'm not a religious person, but I've always been touched by religious imagery. Lady Gaga has a lot of Catholic symbols in her videos as well and it's actually part of the reason of love them. It's occurred to me that no matter how much I distance myself from the Catholic faith, I will always be obsessed with it, whether I'm debating Catholic ideals or enjoying beautiful Catholic artwork. You follow the Catholic church whether it's with a candle or a club.

Disco Mono

If there is one important piece of advice I can give future college freshman its this: Never, NEVER hook up with a random guy at a club. Dance with him, grind, whatever. Have fun, but don't be stupid. Its not like they make kissing condoms.

I spent three days lying in bed without enough energy to get up for food or go out to CVS to buy medicine. My fever managed to climb to 102 before I realized that I couldn't take care of myself. I called my mother so that she could drive all the way up from NYC to come bring me home and take care of me. I ended up missing all my classes those three days and then the entire week afterwards.

Even after the fever went away, that shit stayed in my system and managed to weaken my immune system enough to get me sick three more times after that.

Fucking mono, man.

And while we're on the subject, wrap it up! Then get tested and keep using condoms.

>.<

Movies I Can Watch Over and Over Again

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The first time I watched this movie I had to watch it again to understand it. Don't make this a date movie - its a bit intense and not necessarily in a romantic way; there is no "happy ending," partly why I love it so much. The strange world this tragedy is placed in is made to feel so realistic you forget that the premise is nearly impossible.

Favorite Quote:

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.


Fight Club

So, who is Tyler Durden? Oh, just some crazy dude who apparently likes chemical burns, late-night basement fights, blowing up the buildings of big corporations, and fucking the brains out of Helena Bonham-Carter. It's Brad Pitt and Jared Leto shirtless... what more could you ask for in a movie?

Favorite Quote:
Marla Singer: My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

By far the most misleading title for a movie. Zia offed himself that way, sure, but the real story begins when he ends up in some kind of limbo for suicides in the middle of a desert. He drags his friend Eugene on a road trip looking for his ex who apparently offed herself after he did. Of course, the lovely and quirky Mikal gets them to give her a ride... but how did she get to limbo?

Favorite Quotes:

Zia: I'm not going out tonight. It just makes me depressed
Eugene: So, what you gonna do? Kill yourself?

Eugene: I'm not sitting in the back.
Zia: Why not?
Eugene: Cause everybody knows guy in the back seat doesn't have a cock.
Zia: I don't know about you Eugene, but I got a cock. Do you have a cock Mik?
Mikal: Yeah, I got a cock. A big fat one.

Garden State

Of all the movies that Natalie Portman has made, this one is my favorite. More than just a sweet love story, this movie is about getting over guilt as much as it is about drugs, fucked up families and crazy hometown friends.

Favorite Quote:

Sam: He's protecting me.
Andrew Largeman: So?
Sam: He *likes* me!
Andrew Largeman: Don't be cute.
Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.
Andrew Largeman: Don't talk about knights around Mark, it's a sore subject.
Mark: I'm gonna kill that motherfucker!
Andrew Largeman: Pun intended?

Florence + The Machine - Heavy In Your Arms

I was a heavy heart to carry

My feet dragged across the ground

And he took me to the river

Where he slowly let me drown

Florence + the Machine have incredibly haunting lyrics and this video along with it makes you shiver just a bit.

Why My Grandmother is Wrong

My grandparents came to visit my dad and step mom earlier this year. I had a discussion with my grandma about gay couples having children and then about single parents having children. I was absolutely shocked to hear my grandmother denounce the idea that a single parent could, aside from monetary reasons, properly raise a kid.

"A kid needs a father and mother."

"What about dad? I don't think he did a bad job at all."

Then, today, I had to read two arguments: one for gay marriage and one against. The one against strongly insisted that young boys who grow up without a father are more likely to commit crimes. He forgot the part where most of these boys' fathers probably left the family. That the mother probably spoke often of how 'useless' her ex husband or perhaps boyfriend was. This boy has experienced abandonment by his father. Now, a boy who never grew up feeling abandoned who was raised by one woman, a mother who might have gotten pregnant by going to a sperm bank, might have experienced something different than the boy whose father abandoned his mother and him.

Children of divorce do not simply experience a saddening separation. Sure, it is definitely depressing that your parents aren't in love anymore and don't want to be together. Fine. That can be overcome more easily than worrying constantly about how one parent will hate you for loving the other, or trying to conceive why your father left you and seemingly doesn't love you anymore. Very different situations. One forces a young child to see his or her parents in separate settings at separate times. One creates an emotional unstable adult who has difficulty trusting other people.

My father raised me and my sister. Yes, I lived with my mom, but my dad is the one who taught us about life and the one who spent time with us. My situation is slightly different, but I wholly remember that the only reason I was miserable was because my parents, who I'm supposed to love, each told me every now and then how much they absolutely hated each other and constantly told me not to trust the other. Hostile environment, huh?

Most children coming from this kind of environment do not survive to become mentally stable, healthy adults. Why would an emotionally stable person join a gang, shoot up heroin, rob a deli for money at gun-point? The point is that they are less likely to.

If we look at the problem of young boys growing up without a father from only one perspective, I can see why ultra-conservatives would disapprove of two women marrying and having kids. (it does not necessarily explain two men...)

Having two father or one father or two mothers or one mother would not have made me feel the things I eventually did when I turned 13. Their hostility and hatred towards one another would have.

Kids who have at least one elder who loves them unconditionally to guide them through life, whether male or female, are more likely to become mentally stable adults.

I am a broke college student.

So, my friend Fishey and I have been spending our weekends watching Skins from the very first season and I fucking love it. The problem is that I'm spending more time doing that and internet things (like right now) than doing hw.

Other than getting behind on homework, I have a roommate who is never home and whenever she is she happens to be doing some sort of drunk shenanigan.

I was out in Cambridge with some friends hoping to smoke hookah. The hookah bar required a real ID and not just a student one. So me and Fishey went back to our respective dorms. I opened the door to my room to find all the lights on and nobody home.

Clothes had been thrown about and in the bathroom there was a small puddle of... pee. In front of the toilet stall. And nobody home to claim it.

My theater major roommate must have been terrified when she came home and I descended upon her with crazy-cleaning-lady anger and asked if she'd been home before I got back. Apparently not.

The same happened when blonde bio major roommate came home but she said she had not been drinking and had not been home to see the puddle in the bathroom.

There was one roommate left. Soccer roommate. She didn't come home. It was already like 2 or 3am so I assumed that she had come home at some point, very drunk, and probably with a friend. Tried to get clean clothes from her drawers; flung them around; attempted to use the toilet and failed then got dragged out of the room by whatever friend was with her.

Only a few days before that she had come back extremely drunk and vomited all over the bathroom floor leaving blonde bio major roommate to clean it up.

It was safe to assume it was her who pissed on the bathroom floor.

Now she's barely around, probably still embarrassed about the shit that happened. She hardly ever even sleeps here anymore.

So now, I feel bad for getting so angry with her when what I probably should have done was sat down and talked with her about her dangerous drinking habits. Whatever.

Dissecting Watchmen

So, my freshman seminar is a comic book class. Our first 'graphic novel' is Watchmen. Who watches the watchmen? Nobody! Guys like The Comedian take liberties with the power they're given. Guys like Rorschach kill people for the right reasons... but walk along the edge of psychopathic. True antiheroes are these. Every superhero is inherently human.

Reading the ending to chapter 4 is making ME feel nihilistic. As if I wasn't feeling it before... Jon's POV sounds like the voice of a man waiting for death to lift him up off his bed and carry him away. And yet there he goes - on with making new things and doing what other people suggest he do.

I think what I'm loving most about this book are the characters. I don't care about the story; I've seen the movie and know it. There is so much more depth into the characters in the book than in the movie.

Only up to chapter 4... must keep reading.

The VMAs

Drake: "I quit. I quit."

Courtesy of HellandHeartaches.com

xDDD Poor Drake. I feel your pain. Justin Bieber winning anything that isn't an award from Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards is just a fucking sham.

On College

Moved in about 4 days ago. I'm kinda liking the city, although, it's no NYC :( Fish's mom commented "I'm sorry that this isn't your beloved Manhattan. You need to get over it." I spent a lot of my weekend hanging out with Fish and kinda sorta not meeting new people like I should be. Had 3 classes so far, the first two were boring: English and Suffolk 101. My Empires and Globalization class is sounding exciting though :DD I'm going to pick up my new textbook and actually skim the first chapter.

Fuck You: Long Reign the Bitch

Amy Winehouse is my fucking hero right now. GET OFF THEM DRUGS AND MAKE NEW MUSIC!!

Been watching a lot of random documentaries on Netflix as of late. In the Atheism section I don't recommend The God Who Wasn't There. THIS GUY's review is pretty much spot-on. Jesus Camp on the other hand... now that is some frightening shit. Very well done documentary on the rise of fundamentalist Christianity. Extremist anything scares the crap outta me. For fuck's sake, live and let live.

Non-documentary movies I've watched lately: The Switch and Inception.

The Switch is some overly corny chick flick. I went to go see it because a friend asked me too. There were SO MANY fap jokes they could have made. Only one popped up *sadface*. I guess the plotline is decent but moves really slowly and doesn't get too exciting. You spend most of it WAITING for the main character to tell this woman the truth about his drunkenly switching his sperm with another guy's.

Fuck. Do I really need to promote Inception any more? It was incredible. big f-you to a friend of mine who thought I wouldn't understand it. It's just a shit ton of dreams within dreams (within more dreams). Acting was great but I really would have been more excited if Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page had a little more romance.

I've just finished all the past episodes of How I Met Your Mother :DDD Barney Stintson is obviousy everyone's favorite jackass. Can not wait for the new season of HIMYM and Big Bang Theory.

I got 5 days to get my shit together and move away so fuck feeling like shit. I spent a lot of time letting someone I don't even talk to or see make me feel shitty. Putty in his hands, manipulated I allowed myself to be but the bitch is back. My tears dry on their own, I don't need my life to be defined by someone else.

College in 13 Days

There are two weeks left before my mom and sister drive me up to Boston. I'm realizing more and more just how much I'm leaving behind in New York.

Despite how excited I am to be going some place new and meeting new people I'm still pretty terrified of saying goodbye. Life is going to be much different. For once, I get to live without my crazy mother and without allergy-ridden cats and without my crazy Catholic grandma. Never again will I have to fucking worry about my clothes being dress code appropriate. ibghlskdbrhrudsk TOTAL mindfuck. Let me tell you just how exciting that is: I am dying my hair blue and cutting it shorter. I am walking into each of my classes without covering up my piercings OR my tattoo. The very first day of classes will see me in short shorts, combat boots, and a tank top.

Boston is only like 4 hours away from the city so I'll be able to visit fairly often. Next weekend is shopping for dorm things and class things. I know I'll miss Manhattan, but I will love Boston too.

Open Letters to Different People

I'm really tired of all this waiting. Waiting for people I love to come home. Waiting to leave home and move on with my life. Drinking doesn't make it less painful, stupid television shows don't make it go faster, sleeping and napping don't make the time pass any quicker. I'm stuck in limbo. Limbo happens to be an empty apartment with empty walls and no one in it but me.

Love is a rotting sack of shit.

I miss you so much, but I can't tell you that. All I've been wanting is for you to call my phone and tell me you missed me too. How did I become this way? Terrified of letting someone know I care about them and even more terrified that they don't care and will leave me. Your ex was in one of my dreams. She and I were beating each other up. I knocked her down to her knees and she managed to say she was sorry for taking you from me. It occurred to me that I was doing exactly the same thing. The guilt of it is killing me.

Family secrets rot away at everyone.

I wish you had been around more when I was a kid. I know you were young, but you made me feel so unwanted. I can't believe that this is what it has come to. Only weeks before I move out of this house forever and all you do is fucking scream at me, go to baseball games, go out to bars. Fuck you. For thinking I would just suddenly start forgiving you after everything you put me through. Nothing has changed except that, now, I don't want you around. You can't live a single minute without turning everything into a dramatic issue. Stop making everything complicated. The last thing I need is more stress before making one of the biggest changes in my life.

Friendship breakups are just as painful.

You stopped eating with me at lunch. You stopped talking to me between classes. You even stopped making plans with me outside of school. I waited a year before deleting you from facebook. Why should I let you into my life if you don't even want to be there?

Optimism is naive but pessimism is depressing and unavoidable.

None of these people will ever read this and I don't care. At least it's on paper now instead of pounding at my brain.

Hangover at 7am

I stayed out with one of the grandest partyers I know - my sister. Needless to say, I got fucked up last night. You never want to be drunk on someone else's roof (or any roof for that matter). It's just extremely stupid. My throat is on fire after accidentally inhaling ash from a bowl. You can't do much right when you got beer in your tummy. My sister - the queen of getting home drunk without dying - dragged us home at 2am and I fell asleep on her couch still 5.

Left after waking up and started on making my anti-hangover breakfast. Behold:

-Raspberry tea

-Orange juice

-Tofu w/ soy sauce

-Scrambled eggs

I think health binging for a while wouldn't be a bad idea. Back to my tofu.