Still Don't Know

There's no such thing as love
Not anymore
I can't feel it

But hate
It grows so strong inside of me
Boiling until it bursts

Releasing itself
Like a bomb went off inside my head
Obliterating everything in sight

Until nothing is left
No feeling
So I must be dead

Just lying here
In nothingness
The room turns white

The walls are white
The floors are white
the walls are all white

Blank stare on my face
Walk towards my only door out

It's so tiny
I don't know how to fit through

Tug the handle
Jiggle it a little
Push and Shove but nothing moves
Desperately banging into the door

I'm growing smaller
and smaller

As I throw my whole body into it
and come hurling through

The Struggle to get out
Finally over

But I'm awake in my bed
Cold and alone
And I still don't know
What's on the other side

unfinished poem

Never gonna find my way
Just feels like
I'm never gonna find my way
I've been searching all over
but nothing seems to come my way

I've been waiting and I'm tired
Still looking for you
Among the flowers
Some are dead and some are dying
Others already plucked from the ground

Plenty of weeds

are blocking my pathway

Don't have to worry about them anyway

I'm never gonna find my way

Look up at the skies with the sun so bright

Gives each these flowers

plenty of light

Note On Art & Being An Artist

Does an artist need conflict in order to create? Do we need the world around us to collapse in order to rebuild? Do we need to starve in order to fully give ourselves? After a while, there isn't much left to give.

Artists like Marilyn Manson, Eminem, and even Good Charlotte got boring after they stopped doing drugs, felt better about themselves, or just got rich. The problems they sang about went away. Is that why we're so much less impressed?

The point of making music is to better understand ourselves so we can change. Once we've gotten perspective on life, we do change. We grow above it, mature beyond it. Sometimes it may mean not needing that artistic outlet anymore. We've found other ways to express ourselves.

Those of us who don't, end up on shows like celebrity rehab.
Those of us who were never famous or rich, end up in the gutter.

Sometimes, art really fails to make sense to me.