It's been months since I've felt like writing on my blog. A lot has changed in these few months. People I thought were my friends or could be my friends are almost gone from my social circle. Things that, a year ago, I never would have considered doing I did this summer. Like hooking up with an ex who simultaneously happens to be the only person I was ever in love with / scumbag who chose to spend his last year before college with someone else.
It boggles my mind when people think they know what they want out of life when they're just as fucking confused as you are. They go for it with such fervor that they've almost got you believing too; but the more they try to convince you that it IS really what they want the more you see that they don't know shit. This guy told me he was still in love with me, something I knew he was thinking about way back in February. So then why didn't he give me more time than the other person he was dating? Oh? A part of him will always love her too. So, I'm a back-up? Why should I waste my mental and emotional energy on a person who kept me in second? You can't have your cake and eat it too.
He even tried to tell me that he conquered some of his commitment issues by staying with this girl for an entire year. That isn't commitment; not if you know exactly when it will end. He knew they were going to break up before camp, before college. To double the commitment-fail here: he waited until the time he had left with me, the relationship he ran away from because it was too serious, became so little that he knew he wouldn't have to nor would he be able to commit to anything once he admitted that he was still in love with me. Absolutely no strings attached!
Another thing I did that I have never done before: I cheated on a boyfriend. Fuck. I don't cheat. I just don't. It isn't right. If you really would rather be with one person over another, break off the existing relationship. AND if you feel like being with both at once then don't be a douche. Be honest and it has the possibility of blowing up in your face or be a dirty liar and it absolutely WILL blow up in your face.
A person who pressures you to cheat on the girl/guy you're dating at the moment in order to hookup with them is a pretty low piece of shit.
All of these things rack up quite a few negative points.
So why do I still have feelings for this person? fml
There is more I want to say about people who choose to end friendships without having a reason but I'll save that for another post.
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