I'm staying up until 3am to finish a spanish project, taking this break to write a blog.
As of late, I have been reading Xena fanfics and watching all the good episodes ( skipping over the w.e ones) from start to finish. I never saw when I was younger how the series ended so I looked it up online and wanted to die. The ending (i won't give it away) is depressing and wrong.
It made remember my own crappy life. The loneliness I've pushed to the very back of my mind. So far buried and so desperate to fill it at the same time. I'm lonely. Always. There are billions of people living in the world today. Over 9 million of them live crammed up in New York and yet I still feel completely, utterly alone.
I'm coping with it the way I always have in the past: fanfiction and obsession. I always think if I can find something else to capture my attention then my life will feel as though it has purpose. As though it isn't empty because I have these stories to listen to, places and times to escape to. A fantasy world. I'm a bit of a loser that way.
I don't want to be here. Not now. I want to be somewhere else. These stories take me there.
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